Totally Tim – Boring Sensitive dribble.
Sorry for missing out on the Blog entries for the past couple of days. I was out partying and I guess I thought over the weekend everyone would be too busy having a life that no one would bother reading this dribble anyway. I have to say after looking at the hit counter below, I’m pleasantly surprised. I had a good past couple of days despite the frigging frigid cold weather and learnt first hand how a polar bear feels when I jumped into bed, dived under the blanket at 12 pm Monday and woke up 30 hours later…only cos my stomach told me it needed filling.
I had a lot of personal bonding with a few people since my last blog entry and from their sharing, I received 2 things. Inspiration, and a personal challenge to be a better friend to them. One of my close friends took a brave step in confronting many of his personal demons for the first time and confided to me about his experiences in the game of love and how he was left badly burnt. This friend of mine has long gained the reputation of a ‘playa’. Granted, he is. But it was sad how he got there. I think too many times in life, we look at people around us, and we take them at face value. If we like what we see, we want more. If we don’t, then that’s all we’ll ever see in them.
You can’t rush someone into revealing their lives to you either. No one likes to feel weak and vulnerable. Especially those who have gotten used to the way others perceive them. After all it does take a pretty brave person to admit weakness and fear. Even more so with guys who are not usually all that sensitive and emotional. It’s such a common situation to find couples quarreling of the issue of support. Women want men to be better listeners instead of problem fixers. Men don’t see the point in sharing problems if you don’t want solutions. Therefore, many guys don’t like talking about their problems and feelings, when they can’t imagine fixing them.
That’s not always such a bad thing. I mean of course they tend to bottle everything up and become a potential a- bomb. But they also don’t fall into the ‘comfortable dwelling and wallowing trap’. Sometimes the more you talk about your problems, the more familiar you become with feeling miserable and sorry for yourself. I’ve fallen down that hole many times to the extent where I’ve had my close friends tell me I’m way too trusting in opening up to anyone and everyone. I am. I don’t know how big a problem that is. I also don’t know what I can do about it. It’s true there are people out there who will use that to take advantage of you. But life is miserable enough without having to doubt everyone around you. Maybe that’s why I like listening to other people share their problems with me. Helping them with theirs makes me forget about mine.
Another friend of mine wants to quit smoking. Wow. Brave step. Here’s a demon that I’ve spent many years fighting. I know how hard it is. I know how the moment you stop buying cigarettes you start noticing everyone smoking around you. Everything will start to remind you of smoking. Switch on the television. Someone’s bound to be puffing away at a cigarette. Open a magazine. You’ll find an ad or a picture of someone smoking, no matter how miniscule it is. Even the ‘no smoking’ sign at the cinema will revive that urge in you. Make no mistake. Cigarettes are a drug. I don’t see why it should be anymore legal than ecstasy, weed, speed, etc. And I have experienced many of those vices first hand. I guess that’s why smoking is so hard to quit. The fact that it’s legal compared to all those other drugs make us think that it’s not as harmful or as hard a habit to drop. My friend Andrew smokes more than I do and I can only imagine how much harder it might be for him to quit. Here’s where I have to be a better friend. I have to refrain from smoking around him. I cannot offer him cigarettes no matter how much he wants them. I’ve even promised to deny his pleas even at the offer of his first born child. Most of all I want to encourage and show him support. There are different types of smokers. Those that don’t even want to quit, those that want to, but aren’t brave enough to try, and those who fall a few times in the fight. I’ve heard a particular saying in life. “It’s not how many times you fall. It’s how many times you get up, that counts”. I pray to God he wins the battle. In a way, he’s fighting for all of us and it’s a victory that I will also savor.
Sorry if this blog was kinda boring. It’s 9 am and I guess the creative juices haven’t started flowing yet. Talk to you later.
Totally Tim – Typically late with his entries
I am DA Velvet Revolver! COCK ME NOW!
No this is not an advertisement for the Personals in a kinky gay magazine.
The typically tragic and terrifying world is now totally terrific now that the Timothean one has reached musical nirvana. All thanks to 2 words. VELVET REVOLVER – the ultimate rock band of the year.
That’s right. After 3 days of overdosing on Guns and Roses (thanks to the music video dvd I purchased), I have reached a new high in the knowledge that my favorite band of all time is still kicking it, even without their wanky former lead singer.
Granted, I do miss the vocals which etched songs like Rocket Queen, Don’t Cry and November Rain into the deepest recesses of my memory forever.
Still, seeing as Axl Rose will probably never ever release
Chinese Demorcracy – the latest LP from the ‘new’ and not so improved GNR, at least I’m comforted that Velvet Revolver will forever be more GNR than Axl’s ever will be.
After all, they do have 3 of the original members from the Use Your Illusion era including Slash, Matt Sorum and Duff McKagen. I must admit I was pretty biased believing that former Stone Temple Pilots lead Scott Weiland was gonna be a semi decent replacement for Rose. I was even more upset when I heard they chose Weiland over former Skid Row lead Sebastian Bach whom I considered as possessing a vocal quality more similar to Rose’s.
However, having heard their latest LP
Contraband (approximately 50 times since I bought it about 7 hours ago), I whole heartedly give him props. Imagine ‘Plush’ combined with the loud yet clean old school metal sound that only a 80’s band like Guns and Roses can deliver.
Slash himself hasn’t lost a step, as the former number 1 rated guitarist in the world continues to pluck away with electric euphoria.
It’s still a little depressing when you look at how much the former gunners have aged. No longer are they the youthful somewhat androgynous big haired rockers who sold the entire generation of the late 80’s and early 90’s on the mantra which was SEX DRUGS AND ROCK AND ROLL. In other words they look like like they’ve spent way too long in the pool and have assumed the unmistakable image of one of our favorite fruit laxatives.
Still, it is the music which matters and like a satay seller once told me, “Rock Never Dies Brudder!!”
As you can tell, I am very very excited. It’s been way over a year since I’ve written anything close to a CD review. Plus along with the fact that I am a very lazy git, you can imagine how highly I regard VR if I’m actually doing typing all this out. Another factor is that I also bought Prince’s Musicology today and am not too thrilled about that buy. So in comparison, Contraband rocks even more.
Ok. Pic-Cher time. This is me, having just come home from the CD shop with, oh what do we have here? It’s the Velvet Revolver album.
Before listening to the CD
Tim: Hmmm I wonder how it sounds like. What a pretty red album cover. I wonder if these guys sound anything like the Backstreet Boys.
After listening to the CD
Tim: &#$%(#&@(#*@#(!!!!!! What’s coming over me? I have this sudden feeling. I have a need. I have an urge…..to grab a guitar and go look for a void deck to go play under.
Ok! Enough typing. Time to return to tearing apart my stereo, and my neighbors’ ear drums with more VELVET REVOLVER!
Typically Tim – Totally Rawking It!
Totally Tim Just Flogging His Blog
I apologize for the lack of entries as of late but my recent experience with balls has left both my arms in very sore condition. Usually it’s the opposite.
When it comes to bowling, it’s always a case of either bruising the pins, or ego. Two nights ago, the pins won.
In a weak attempt to impress the chicks at the next lane, I did manage a strike and a couple of spares. Boy did I score….a couple of snickers and stifled laughter when I tripped over my feet and dropped the ball.
Nonetheless, it was a valiant attempt compared to one of my mates who struck out big time with one of the alley’s attendants.
-------
Dave: Do you have a pen and paper?
Attendant: Here you go.
Dave: Please please please! May I please have your phone number? I’m completely smitten by you.
Attendant: (In a calm cold voice) No. I have a boyfriend.
Dave: (mumble, mumble, mumble) please….(mumble, mumble)…anyway….(mumble, mumble)
Tim: (In brotherly consoling fashion) LOSER!!! HAHAHAHA
Dave: Ok Romeo. You think you can do better? When was the last time you scored?
Tim: (mumble, mumble, mumble)
-------
On another note. I’d like to take this opportunity to wish my friend and housemate Junie “Happy Birthday!”
The bowling trip was part of her birthday celebrations. So the way I look at it, she was responsible for my sore arms and lousy balls.
This picture was taken at the Dragon Boat Chinese Restaurant hours earlier where she treated us to a dim sum feast.
I’ve told Junie that I’m not taking anymore photos with her cos she makes me look fat next to her. So I decided to take a picture next to my buddy and her boyfriend Andrew, cos he as the opposite effect on me.
Unfortunately thanks to his short crop and facial hair, next to him, I look like (how did Junie put it? Oh yes I remember) a prepubescent teenage girl.
So while we’re on the topic of questionable gender appearances, Something About Miriam concluded a couple of days ago. If you don’t know what the shows about, it’s the one where a bunch of men fight over a girl who is actually hiding 2 eggrolls and a cucumber.
-----
Miriam: And the winner is TOM!
Tom: Yay! I’m so excited!
Miriam: Congratulations Tom. You get to spend an all expense paid vacation with me on a luxury yacht and a 10000 shopping spree.
Tom: Yay! I’m so excited!
Miriam: But before we go, I must tell you something. I’m not who you think I am. I have a Lap Cheong and 2 Har Gaos.
Tom: Yay! I love Chinese food.
Miriam: No you don’t understand. I have a Satay and 2 Ketupats.
Tom: Yay! I love Malay Food.
Miriam: No you still don’t understand. I have a Log cake and a pair of Cinnamon apples.
Tom: Is it Christmas already?
------
Ok it didn’t happen quite like that. But I was trying to emphasize how stupid the English contestants in the show were.
Prior to the winner being picked, all the previous contestants made their return to witness Miriam revealing her secret.
Immediately after she told the winner she was a man, they all started hooting and hollering and poking fun and the winner. Sheesh! Some friends you are. As if the shock wasn’t enough. Yeah go ahead. Make him feel even worse. As much as I don’t condone the Tranny misleading them on the show, I will admit that she had a lot of guts to reveal to the world that she was in fact, missing a beaver. The person I feel the worse for is Tom. Not just because he had to find out the truth after thinking he had won the girl of his dreams. Not just because he had insensitive friends. But because at the end of the day….he was also STUPID. He rejected the prize. He still had the chance to go on the cruise with Miriam and have that $10000 shopping spree. No one’s asking you to fondle her fondue man! Just go on the trip and spend 10 grand! I mean…it is 2004. Can’t you handle hanging out with a Shemale? Then again, I wouldn’t be too pleased if I had spent the past month trying to outdo the competition by stealing kisses and copping a feel from another man.
At the end of the day, maybe the people we should feel sorry for are the network producers. I heard they got their asses sued off by the contestants. Serves them right.
Ok lets see what else I’ve done between now and the last time I filled out a blog entry. Oh yes. I tried cooking Foie Gras. Yes I did. Unfortunately, goose liver is hard to come by in Melbourne so I took my little shopping trolley to the market (What? Shopping trolleys are very manly ok!) and ordered half a kilo of duck liver. Yes that is a lot of liver. The next few hours can only be described as ….. disgusting. De-veining liver is not fun. Especially if you’ve never done it before. Still, seeing as I don’t have a couple of hundred dollars to spend in restaurants like I used to in Singapore, I have to try making the most of it here. Besides, at 4 dollars a kilo for duck liver, trust me, it will be a while before I get that craving for Foie Gras again.
The problem is, Foie Gras is actually a special kind of liver, taken from a goose or duck which has been stuffed with food so that it’s liver has become unnaturally enlarged. The stuff that I bought was just ordinary liver. But like I said, after eating half a kilo of liver, your tastes buds can’t tell the difference anymore and it’s your own liver you’re worrying about.
I remember vividly spending those days in Singapore looking for khaki to go for Sunday brunch with. Especially since some hotels offered not just a free flow of champagne, but Foie Gras too! We’d spend approximately 10 minutes feeling sorry for the birds who had to be force fed in order for us to indulge. The guilt lasted only till the plate arrived at the table. “After all, the bird already died. Shouldn’t let it have died in vain. Might as well eat it while its here.” Ah such logic. Same goes for Sharks Fin. Remember, if you decide against eating it, “Good”! Good for me and the rest of us Sharks fin eaters who now get more to eat hahahah!
Ok, I think I’ve over compensated for the lack of blog entries over the past couple of day. My brain is officially strained now from coming up with rubbish to type about.
2 sites for you to check out if you’re bored.
1) http://www.joeytomatoes.com/fordcat.htm FOR CAT LOVERS
2) www.angryalien.com FOR BUNNY LOVERS (The Exorcist like you’ve never seen it)
What has many sharp teeth, 1 ball and hates pins?
An
Alleygator.
Hahahah! What? Didn’t that joke just
Bowl you over? Ok ok, I shall
Spare you from such lame jokes! Please don’t
Strike me down!
Laterz!!!
Typically Tim – Totally Lame.
Totally Tim - Typically Trash Talking: Da new Hung, Guns&Fk'nRoses and Imaginary Instruments
Move over William Hung! There’s a new chick in town and she’s one Bad Ass Mutha! I’m not kidding. She really is a Mother. In fact, judging by the photo, she could be a grandmother.
Actually, she could be William Hung’s mother. They have the same…erm…enthusiasm. Check out Wing! Visit her website and take a listen to some of her cover versions.
If “Dream Lover” doesn’t crack you up, I will personally make a doctors appointment for you tomorrow to surgically remove that stick from your butt.
You’ll be amazed at the fact that some of her albums have actually sold out. Be thrilled as she takes hits from artists like Mariah Carey and the Carpenters.
She'll be taking those hits pretty hard on the head when they hear what she’s done to their songs.
http://www.wingmusic.co.nz/listen.html
Can’t take anymore! Need medication….. in the form of….
Ah! Much better. There’s nothing much better in life than yodeling at the top of your lungs through every song in your favorite Guns and Roses album. I hear they recently released a best of album. I don’t see the point. They already have a best of album. It’s called Appetite for Destruction (AFD). 95 percent of the songs on the new cd come from there anyway and if you don’t have AFD or the other albums with the other 5 percent, then you’re not a real fan and you don’t deserve to have a greatest hits album from the Gunners anyway! And while I’m on that point, GnRs is not MAT ROCK! (At least it ceased to be after yours truly became a fan). If you disagree then you are wrong and I am right. (Bleah!) And you deserve a slap from the Temperamental Timothean Titan… or a firm but civil reprimand if you are bigger than me. Man it fees awesome screaming lyrics and plucking away at the strings of my guitar. Which model you ask? The air model.
Before you diss my inability to play a real guitar (other than the opening chords of Extreme’s More Than Words <-- you too huh? Haha!), let me tell you some advantages of playing the highly underrated AIR GUITAR!
- You never chip a nail. (The ladies will appreciate this one)
- You never have to tune your guitar.
- You can lend it to anyone without worrying that they will snap your stings or mess up the pick ups.
- It’s cost efficient.
- It is any color and model you want it to be.
- You can have as many as you want without making your house look like Hard Rock Café.
- Your stupid neighbors will never complain about noise pollution and send Sergeant Muthu or Inspecter Beng Teck Sim to your house.
- Easy to take it anywhere and requires no paddles or amps.
- You can play any song and play it better than everyone else. (So what if they can’t hear it. Other people don’t matter! They are losers with no imagination.)
- You can smash it around after every performance without causing any property damage.
Speaking of which, YOU CAN ALSO……..
- Pretend to be a WWE wrestler and smash it over the heads of your enemies. (“
Tim you are a lamer and you need to stop watching so much wrestling”)
So what are you waiting for? Forget music school! Forget Tablatures! Pick up the air guitar today! All you need is….
1) An active imagination.
2) A good excuse to give when people walk in on you while you’re in the middle of the Sweet Child of Mine solo. I usually blame it on a bad case of Constipation and Parkinson’s disease.
IMPORTANT: If you ever play Air Guitar to Westlife or Britney Spears songs or anything else like that…..Tim O will personally hunt you down like a dog and kill you until you are dead.
With the right amount of commitment, passion and persistence, one day you may be worthy of…… the ANNUAL WORLD AIR GUITAR CHAMPIONSHIPS!
From my active competition days.
This link will take you to a page with all the info about it. There’s even an entry form to download if you’re really interested.
http://www.omvf.net/2004/ilmakitara.php?PHPSESSID=6ecdd2aa9a015035d337816d445f2612
Alright folks. Time to go. As the great philosopher Socrates once said
….”Good night”
I dare anyone to challenge the fact that he said that at least once. What? Ancient Greeks didn’t sleep?! Hah! I win.
~Totally Tim – Typically Triumphant
Slutty Snow White, Little Red Riding Ditz and other Freudian and Freaky Fairy Tales.
Fairy Tales –
The Tragic Truth Told Through Totally Tim
Cinderella – She cooks. She cleans. She wants to run away. Let’s just calla spade a spade. Cinderella was just a maid. If her step-mother wanted her gone so badly, there are much easier ways these days. Just do what everyone else does. Cancel her work permit and send her back to Manila. By the way…I hear the glass slipper is now in the collection of Imelda Marcos.
Snow White and Sleeping Beauty – Tarts! One lived with 7 guys. The other needed one prick to fall asleep, and another to wake her up. Both had to be awoken by a kiss. AS IF! These days, kissing a sleeping stranger will result in accusations of molest and rape. Your face will be splashed across the news before an unsympathetic judge finds you guilty and sentences you to jail. Just as ask the former TV reporter from CNA.
Goldilocks – Comes into your house uninvited. Eats your food. Sleeps in your bed and has the cheek to be fussy. 3 words –
“Buay Tze Dong!" I didn’t realize Goldilocks was Singaporean.
Little Red Riding Hood – How stupid must you be to mistake a wolf for your grandmother? Maybe her grandmother was really ugly to begin with. Either way, Little Red Riding Hood deserved to die. The gene pool needed cleansing. Besides, from a fashion point of view…Red hoods are so Passé! Plus it would only clash with all the earthy colors of the woods! So unless you want to look like Santa’s little helper, I suggest you check out Vogue to find out what’s ‘in’ this season Girlfriend! Mmm mmm mmm
(snaps fingers and shakes head from side to side)
Rumplestiltskin – Ugly guy. Hot chick. So typical. Anyway, chick finds out his real name and he bolts. This is such a Soap Opera style plot. Except in Days of Our Lives, it would have taken an entire season for the princess to find out Rumplestiltskin’s real name, while having affairs with numerous other people in the castle and all without her husband the King finding out the truth. Rumplestiltskin’s identity is revealed only because a parlor-maid overheard him during one of those monologues Soaps are famous for, when characters talk aloud to themselves when they think no ones looking. Armed with this info, the parlor-maid tries to black-mail Rumplestiltskin. This alone will require at least 13 episodes before we learn that Rumplestiltskin is the father of the princess’ baby who was brain-washed by some evil criminal-mind with a typically Eastern European name like Stephano or Carmella. (I can go on forever)
There we go! Just when you thought Tim O couldn’t spew anymore bogus but brilliant babble than he already has! And believe you me (I love that phrase) there will be more to come.
For now, I need to go hit the sack …... But it’s already taken legal action with charges of assault and the cops have issued a restraining order keeping me outside a 5 km radius from the aforementioned sack. Not only that but the pillows and bolsters have been relocated under the witness protection programme. Yeah it’s been rough on me.
Thankfully my friends are such great comforters. *grin*
Tune in tomorrow for more Trashy Timothean Tickles.
- Tim Out
Way to go Einstein...
LOSER! Tim you are such a LOSER! A Loo loo loo loo LOSER!
That's me speaking in the third person again ala WWE style. On a Loserness scale of 1-10, yours truly just scored triple digits.
So here's the story. Braniac here had an assignement to hand up on Friday. He didn't manage to finish it on time. So Sunday night he gets no sleep so that he can finish it up. He might have been able to get some rest if he hadn't speant a majority of the time posting the previous entry on the blog. So hurrah! He finally finishes the final assignment of the year. Pleased with himself, the hero in our story takes a shower, braves the stormy weather and leaves for school.
So far so good. Upon reaching his destination, Goofy here realises its A PUBLIC FRIGGIN HOLIDAY AND THE OFFICES ARE CLOSED!!!!!
(deep breath) 1, 2, 3. Everybody together now. LOOOOOOOOSER!!!!!!!
So not only do I miss more marks because of late work, I have to come to school again tomorrow to hand it up. What did I tell you? Is the Typical Tale of Totally Tim not Tragically Turmultuous?
Man I feel so Enigma right now. Y'know..Enigma? Y'know...Sadness part 1 and part 2? *sigh* Well that was a failed attempt at being witty. Maybe if I wasn't such a NIT WIT!
As you can tell I'm being awfully self-degrading here. That's your cue to send me a mail, message, comment to tell the Timothean one that he's actually a really great and smart guy along with other ego (or head) inflating info. Yes, desperate situations call for desperate measures.
Anyhoo I was thinking about today............its a great word isnt it? "Today". I mean without it, you'd always be too late or too early for things. Ok that was a pretty stupid joke. Or as they say in England "That was a pretty stupid joke"
"Tim you need to get a life and a chick that will appreciate your corny lame sense of humour! So you better start looking for a magic lamp with a Genie pronto."
- Totally Tim. Totally Topsy Turvey.
TADA! Tim's A-Z's Lagi Satu!
Hello hello. I initially promised myself i was going to update my blog as regularly as I could. However today my enthusiastic blog ethic was beginning to slip. Fortunately it was quickly sorted out with the wake up call it needed. Literally. I'd slept right through the day and if not for a phone call to wake me up, I'd still be asleep and unable to make this entry.
They say life can be a cold and dark place. It certainly seems that way during winter...especially if you sleep right through the Sunday and miss any sunlight completely.
On an even darker note, I just realised I've got one more assingment that I've got to complete before I can say I've completely climbed out of that deep dark hole I call school life.
But that's not gonna stop me from making the ludicrous lala that this blog is supposed to be offering to the world...or to anybody free enough to read them.
So once again, Ladies and Gentlemen, and those who consider themselves both....(drumroll)...
Tim's A-Z's (yes yes i haven't thought of a more creative name yet)
Rant's, raves, and ridiculous representations...
from a Timothean perspective
A - Any time you have a dream where you're barefoot and trying to find shoes...chances are, it means you need to do some
Sole Searching
B – Bras are like socks. Think about this. If you had no feet, would you bother wearing socks? So why do you reckon so many chicks wear bras?
C – CAREER is a term that kills passion. Find something you luv doing and u'll realise getting paid is just a bonus. Don’t turn it into a ‘job’
D – Death surprisingly still inspires fear and dread despite such certainty and consistency. U'd think we’d be used to something as natural as farting and burping.
E – Eating chicken Rice would be really swell now. Ooh the days at the Pow Sing chicken rice stall in Serangoon Gardens. Memories.
F – Fantasia won American Idol. *sigh* How nice it would have been if Jasmine had been the first Asian American Idol. *sigh* How nice it would have been if my life wasn't so sad that I actually speant sunday nights at home watching American idol.
G – Goldilocks is an unhealthy fairy tale for young minds. The promoting of illegal entry, property damage and frolicking in strange beds can only lead to a prison term.
H –Home is where the heart is. Mine is in Singapore while the rest of me is in Melbourne.
I –Impression of someone caught in a perpetual cycle of repetition. Impression of someone caught in a perpetual cycle of repetition. Impression of someone caught in a perpetual cycle of repetition.
J – I’ve never had a girlfriend whose name started with that letter.Although if I remember correctly, I had my 1st crush in pre primary
over a 'Jennifer'. Anyway .. any Jemmimah’s or J-namers interested?
K – Koala Bears are not really bears. As a child with an unimpressive spelling ability, I was quite upset when I found out they weren’t made out of ‘Cola’ as initially thought.
L – LOVE is sometimes the foulest and most painful four letter word you can hear.
M – Mama’s Boy and damn proud of it. I hope to find a wife who inspires that same feeling in my kids.
N – Naming ur children is an unbelievably important decision with effects lasting a liftime. If u don’t want to risk any future resentment, come up with an alternative much worse in comparison to ur final choice. I used
to hate the name Timothy until I discovered I was almost called Valarian.
O – Opposites Attract. No not the theory. The Paula Abdul song. 90’s pop rocks!
P – Phoebe. Ooh Alyssa Milano is so hot in Charmed. I’m definitely under that witch’s spell.
Q – Quote: “I had to see you after all this time. Part of me wants to prove ur no longer the same girl I fell in love with. Another part is hoping you are. And everything else tells me that whether u are or not, I'd still fall in love with u all over again.” <---original line to be used in the cheesy romantic comedy I dream of someday creating!
R – Romance is a pretentious term used by Wankers to showcase and prove their ability to attain love from another. If 2 people truly love each other, all the signs, practices, choices and descriptions associated with love will be naturally reflected in their entire being. Hence, making redundant, our man-made, socially twisted, and commercially exploited concept of Romance. (ooh now, does tim sound jaded?)
S – Song I sang last: I unfortunately chanced upon a NKOTB(if u dun noe what that is then never mind)music video and found Jordan Knight’s lyrics passing my lips.
T - Time I started waking up before 2 pm. Being the start of winter, this means I only see 2 hours of sunlight a day.
U - Unknown facts about me are not very abundant I'd imagine. My life's an open book with hardly anything u wouldn’t learn thru an everyday conversation with me. Anyways after reading this much, Im sure it’s a case of too much info.
V – Vegetables are God's way of punishing me. Why does something so good for the body have to taste so bad...Ick!
W – Women are all creatures of Class. Sometimes LOW CLASS but Class nonetheless :p
X – Xena Warrior Princess. I miss the show. Lots of eye candy and requires no concentration or even volume. Like Baywatch.
Y – Yosemite Sam from the Bugs Bunny Cartoons looks a lot like the cop from the Village People. Hmmm....that would explain why he was always creeping up on Bugs from behind....
Z- "
Zipper D doo dah. Zipper D day. My O my what a wonderful day." Remember that song? Honestly..any guy can tell you. If you zippered your 'doodah', it would not be such a wonderful day.
And there you go! that completes another edition of
Tim's (audience goes silent)
A-Z's! (Audience roars and applauses! <---probably not at the title).
Those of you on my Friendster list may find some of today's A-Z's familiar. Fine I confess. I didn't have time to come up with a completely brand new list. So rather than bitch about it, just be glad that you were treated to somewhat of a preview first! Hah!
A few people who saw the previous photo of me in an earlier blog post have voiced out their dissaproval of my Farah Fawcett hairdo. Like I care what people think of my hair. Bah! Peasants! Nonetheless, in order to please my public (3 days of blogging and he's already got a big head) I have decided to adopt another hairdo. Using my creativity..(and lack of funds available for a decent stylist)..and my high grade hair dressing tools (actually just fingers and water)I present.....TADA!
Ok! Ok! So I admit I look like an extra off the set of the second season of "Growing Up". Fingers and Water only mah! You expect Vidal Sassoon results ar?
Anyhoo. That's all the Tittlating Typing for Totally Tim Today.
Till tommorrow, take care and Tim Out.
'There's something about Maccers and Miriam. Totally Tim on TV Trannies
There's this new show/documentary out which I've been dying to see. It's called SUPERSIZE ME. For those who haven't heard of it, no it isn't a reality tv programme about Sumo School. It's about a guys quest to prove Fast Food makes you fat. WOW really? I had NO IDEA!
Anyway. Smart remarks aside. It does look pretty interesting. Kinda like a cross between 'Bowling For Columbine' and erm..."MTV's Jackass". This award winning documentary revolves around this American (y am i not suprised) who decides to see what an entire month's diet featuring nothing but McDonald's meals will do to his body. Not suprisingly, he finds that it does cause extreme damage, along with providing him a dress-size larger that Oprah's....thats Oprah from the early 90's, not the Oprah of 2004. I mean there is a difference....but then again the Stay Puft Marshmellow man and the Michelin Man are both huge, no matter what their difference in size is.
Back to the topic of original topic of discussion (yes I digress a lot). I figure the making of this documentary was pretty pointless. You don't have to waste rolls of film to see the effects of a McDonald's Munching Melee. Take a look around and you might already see the evidence.
Moving swiftly along. There's another show you may or may not have heard of. "Something about Miriam". Man this show is soooo wrong on soooo many levels. It's like the Bachelorette except involving a transexual.....a very HOT transexual. It's already sad enough watching a bunch of guys trying to schmooze up to some chick. It's sadder to see them vie for the attention of someone who's Penis is probably larger than theirs. After all, it does take a lot of Balls to tease a bunch of macho manly English blokes who upon finding out that you're nothing but a Fanny Flaunting Fairy, might complete the sex change operation for you, with their boots.
Speaking of which, I've added a poll on this page, so be sure to fill it in.
Anyway, I need go take a shower and head off in attempt to make the msot of a Saturday evening. I do want to take this opportunity to thank those who have decided to take the time to read the daggy drabble I've decided to put on the world wide web. Remember to write comment hor. If this amuses you, say so. If it doesn't..LIE.
For now, this is Totally Tim saying "Todaloo"! <----No really. I'm headed to da loo.
It's All About ME
Hey! Hows it going? Yeah ok
enough about you lets talk about me!
*shameless grin*
As the Blog description at the top promises, it's time for those rants and raves...in alphabetical order
and from a purely Timothean perspective of course. :)
Therefore behold the wonder...that are
Tim's A-Z's
(audience woos and waas in amazement)
Ok i admit the title really sucks but I couldn't think of anything creative. Bear with me.
A – Abdominal muscles are so over rated. 6 pack ab this and 6 pack ab that. Honestly! What’s so attractive about having durian seeds on your stomach. I’d rather have durians In my stomach. Yeah yeah, I know a similar argument has been made about women’s breasts. However, abdominal muscles are hard and I can only imagine ‘uncomfortable to grope at’. A pair of female (I must stress since nowadays desperate men have taken to growing their own) breasts are just the opposite. Supple, tender and ….. well I don’t have to elaborate. So if attractiveness is associated with a woman’s large, soft and wobbly (couldn’t think of a better term) mounds of flesh, then the same should be applied to a man’s large, soft and wobbly gut. That said, I’m buying an ‘ab swing’ tomorrow
B – Barney the purple dinosaur looks a little like Dino the pet in the Flintstones don’t ya think? Reminds me of a joke I once heard. What do you call a lesbian dinosaur? Lick-a-lota-pus.How bout a gay (male) dinosaur? Major Saurus (pronounced as Sore-Ass)
C – Callista Flockhart’s completely disappeared since Aly Mcbeal finished. Then again. Maybe she’s just disappeared fullstop. I wonder what Harrison Ford sees in her….erm…I wonder if Harrison Ford CAN see her. The last time I saw something that thin, it had an eraser on the end of it.
D – Does Marc Anthony know what he’s getting into? Besides Jenny Lopez’s bed. The 2 got married over the weekend. Entertainment Tonight did a feature on the wedding and decided to ask her ex’s what they thought. P-Diddy was happy for them. Ben Affleck was happy for them. Chris
Judd was happy….he was getting publicity on ET.
E – Elle McPherson is hot. How can you not be when you’re voted as being among the top 10 most naturally beautiful people in the world? The most beautiful in case you’re wondering is Audrey Hepburn
F- Fools! Fools! They’re all fools! Do the network executives behind Big Brother Australia think that any more guys are going to tune in now that the big hooter chicks have been evicted?
G –
“Give a man a fish and he’ll survive a day. Teach him to fish, and he’ll survive the rest of his days”. If I had to live the rest of my life eating nothing but fish, I’d kill myself.
H – Hugh Jackman is on his way to becoming a national Icon in Australia. First, he played Wolverine. Then he starred opposite Meg Ryan. Now he’s won a Tony Award. How wonderful it must be to have one of your countryman make it big and do your nation proud. Just like Kylie…..who seems to have moved to the UK, picked up British Accent and hasn’t released a record under an Aussie Label in years.
I – Interesting and very funny. This blog on the web is one of the funniest things I’ve read in a long time. I don’t know her but I’m gonna continue reading her entries cos it cracks me up. Check it out www.xiaxue.blogspot.com .
J – Jessica Simpson is like my old bottle of liquid paper – White and empty! Have you seen Newlyweds? (no? ok then it’s just me). It’s a reality tv programme on the married life of her and nick lachey (from 98 degrees) The fact that the show is into its second season would make u
think she doesn’t mind MTV making her look so stupid. I don’t know if she has a brother called Bart, but she definitely takes after Homer.
K – Karaoke? *sigh* Yes I confess……My name is Tim….and I’m a recovering addict. It has been 4 weeks now…
L – Laos. Do u describe a person with Laotian characteristics as Laosy?
M – Mambo night at Zouk is like a cult gathering. Loud. Dark. Synchronized movements. Plus anyone dancing to ‘square rooms’ must definitely be possessed
N – Nemo has got to be the most common name for pet fish these days. Ever since that show came out I’ve come across 6 examples of people naming
their fish Nemo. I have to admit, I think of Nemo a lot too…..with a few of his friends on a sizzling hotplate with sweet and sour source and onions.
O – Oh-verdose. My housemate recently decided to attempt making a joke in reference to my last name and description of my corny sense of humour. I have to admit, I quite like that one.
P – Papa Don’t preach. Oh yeah, when Madonna says that to her father when she’s having a baby, he leaves her alone. The last time I said that to my dad when I had bad grades, I got grounded. Music videos are misleading.
Q – Question for the Miss Universe representative from Singapore - DID YOU REALLY THINK YOU COULD WIN?!!! Question for the judges of the pageant – ARE YOU BLIND??!!! HOW COULD YOU PASS OVER PUERTO RICO FOR AUSTRALIA??!!!
R – Ronald Regan passed away recently. Condolences to his family. Think they’re gonna issue a twenty dollar bill with his face. When I become president I’m gonna have my face on a note while I’m still alive and not wait till I’m dead…and while I’m at it, I’ll also see to those flying pigs.
S – “Stupid!” that’s what a bunch of angry models yelled at me when they said they ran out of nipple tape and I picked up a roll of scotch tape and asked “will this do?” how was I to know nipple tape was a special type.
T – Tuna cans all seem to have this whole ‘dolphin safe’ thing on the label. Yeah its all well and good for the dolphin. Anyone ever think about the Tuna?
U – Underwear fashion is so weird these days. Especially for chicks. Now all you read about are women’s ‘boy shorts’ and other guy-type designs for panties. I shudder at the thought of mens underwear headed in the direction of lacy, satin and floss-like.
V – Vanity seems to be such an easy excuse for women who constantly stare in the mirror to make sure they’re beautiful. Most of the time its not vanity…it’s imagination.
W – Westlife. Sheesh. They should create an Eastlife, Northlife and Southlife. Together they can form a compass and go SEARCH FOR SOME TALENT!
X – X doesn’t always mark the spot. Then again neither does G. So how are we men supposed to find it for you women?
Y – Y
does the sun go on shining? Ancient musical flashbacks aaargh!
Z – “Zest – Tea”. How bout that? If I were to come up with a type of tea, that’s what I’d name it. Brilliant eh? It’s a name and description all at once. “Zest-Tea” – Zesty see? Cos it’s a Tea and its Zesty. Geddit? Geddit? <----strangely enough, my friend Ernie tells me this name was actually used by a tea company.
Alrighty then! That concludes todays edition of ...... (drumroll)
Tim's A-Z's !
Definately have to do something about that name.
On another note, people are bugging me to cut my hair. What?! What's wrong with the Farah Fawcett look?
Till next we blog, Tim Out
P.S Write comment lar. Must be encouraging to newbie blogger mah!
Who needs chicks? Why Blogs are better
I must say this whole Blog experience has gotton me quite excited. As promised earlier, I decided to sit down and think about why Blogs are better than girlfriends. Needless to say I don't have one. But hey! At least I have a Blog now. And here's why it rocks.
Why Blogs are better than chicks -
1) A Blog never has a headache.
2) A Blog always remembers your birthday and other personal details.
3) A Blog can actually help you meet chicks.
4) A Blog is free and doesn’t cost you money.
5) You can have as many Blogs as you want.
6) You don’t have to romance or court a Blog.
7) When it comes to Blogging, you’re always pushing the right buttons.
8) You can take back what you say to a Blog. While chicks never forget your mistakes, a Blog has a ‘clear-archive’ button.
9) When it comes to a Blog, It's always about you
10)What you say goes with Blogs.
11)You can watch football and Blog at the same time.
12)If you mention the wrong Blog when you’re Blogging, all hell doesn’t break loose.
13)Blogs don’t say stupid things like “If you don’t know what’s wrong then I’m not going to tell you”. Blogs will give you an error message when one occurs and teach you how to fix it.
14)Blogs don’t make you say ‘I love you’ in itsy bitsy cutesy voices before you log off.
15)You can gain unlimited access to a Blog anytime you want. 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. 365 days a year.
16)Entries are never a problem. A Blog never complains about being entered too many times. In fact, a Blog doesn’t mind your friends making entries.
17)A Blog doesn’t mind others watching while u make your entry.
18)A Blog says what you tell it to say.
19)A Blog’s G-Spot is so much easier to find. It’s on your keyboard next to the letters ‘f’ and ‘h’.
20)A Blog’s concept of foreplay consists of logging on.
21)People don’t mind you playing with your Blog in public.
22)It’s much easier to adjust your Blog in the office.
23)A Blog never demands for your attention. You can visit your Blog once a day, once a year or even never again and it won’t complain.
24)A Blog isn’t as kaypoh! You only update your Blog when you want to.
25)A Blog doesn’t care whether you have a hard drive or a floppy or how long your entry is.
26)Speed (of your connection) is considered favourable in the Blogging experience.
27)A Blog never asks you stupid questions like “Where are we now?” or “Where is this relationship going?”
I'm sure there are a whole lot more reasons but these are the ones that immediately sprung to mind. Feel free to add to the list if you have any more or if, like me, you're single, desperate and in dire need of self convincing.
In fact I'm certain that I should just alter the heading of this entry to "Why Tim doesn't have a girlfriend and won't be getting one soon"
~Tis e season to be Tim-like Falalalala lalalala
P.S I'm beginning to really like this whole Blogging thingamabob or should I say TIM-amabob hahaha
Woo Hoo!
It's finally happened. It didn't even take any alcohol, romance or any sort of seduction. In fact, it didn't even last as long as I thought. Nonetheless, I'm sure my life will never be the same again. Does this make me a shameful person? Have all the years in a Christian boy's school taught me nothing? Not even married, and I've lost it. The V-word never seemed like such a big deal before. I guess it's just a case of not realising what you had until its gone.
What will my friends think when they find out that I've lost my Blog-virginity? I've evidently succumbed to the temptations of the virtual-flesh and given myself to www.blogger.com. Please be gentle.
On a happier note, I'm done with school! Yeehar! No more school......quite possibly for LIFE!!!! Of course they say learning doesn't end with school. It's a lifelong process. HOGWASH!!!! No more school! No more school! I'll never have to do another stinking essay again. I can finally allow my vocabulary to go to shit and be thrilled that I'll never have to use terms like 'Bibliography' and 'Cited References' ever again! Come! Rejoice along with the Thrilled Timothean One! (That would be me by the way. Watching too much WWE wrestling has influenced me into referring to myself in the third person)
Of course if I fail any of my subjects I'll just have to kill myself or plunge back into the land of Mr BoBo and Miss Lala and the rest of the characters in our PEP Primary School textbooks who beleive that school is a fun place and homework only serves to make you a better person. It's a place I call HELL.
Then again, in Tim's tragic tale of turmoil(as you can tell I like doing that alot)the end of something stressful like school is just the beginning of something stressful like FINDING A JOB! Of course unless anyone reading this is looking to gratiously and altruistically (Spelling correct or not ar?) finance a young, talented, hard working, motivated, inspired individual. Although if you were to do that, chances are there wouldn't be any need or opportunity to witness those qualities so I guess you'll just have to take my word for it. After all, you can trust me. I'm Tall Dark and Handsome! Hahahah I'm just kidding......I'm not tall. But I am modest and humble.
Oooh that's quite a bit for a first entry isn't it? Think I should stop now and go hand up the essay which has kept me awake for the past 30 hours. That would totally suck if i finished it, came to school, and forgot to hand it up because I was basically losing my virginity to a web address. Then again www.blogger.com is probably in many ways much more worthy than some of the chicks I've seen my friends lose it to.
Haha! In my next entry I shall describe why a blog is better than a girlfriend. Stay tuned.
Till then, take care.
Tim - Typically Tragic and Totally Trying.
