Tims Just Wanna Have Fun! It’s just a matter of who with.
Just a week after the insufferable occasion known as Valentine’s Day, we get to celebrate the last day of Chinese New Year celebrations. However I just recently learnt that not only does the 15th day mark the end of getting anymore red packets, but it also happens to be the Chinese Valentine’s Day.
Yet another proverbial kick when you’re down. Down being the excruciating circumstance of being single. It official then. All my compadres seem to be happily attached to their other halves leaving this Asian Gringo riding the lonely horse into the sunset.
It’s weird how life works out. A few years ago, I was the guy perpetually stuck in a relationship amidst all my single friends. It was hard for me to always have to choose between spending time with my loved one, and doing the whole bonding thing with my single buddies.
Here I am now with all the time in the world to hang out or head out on road trips with my mates, but this time they’ve got the obligations which come with relationships. Thus leaving me in either in need of finding new single friends, or begin the transformation into the perpetual 3rd wheel.
Which leads to my next point. I’ve always thought it quite impossible to be really close to friends who are married. After all, marriage really does change a person’s life. It comes with new responsibilities and new problems which singles will never rally fathom until the time comes for them to slip that piece of metal on their fingers.
That being said, does that also apply to friendships between singles and unmarried couples? I mean sure you can still be friends, but can you really be that close anymore?
I mean it’s a little unnerving, when you invite a few buddies out and they automatically assume their other halves are invited too. I mean I’m not saying that I don’t like nor accept their partners, but maybe I don’t want to be the only single person there.
There’ll always be things you won’t feel comfortable doing or discussing in front of them. And walking on egg-shells never makes for a conducive bonding environment.
So the next time, your friends invite you out. Be considerate. At least ask if your girlfriends or boyfriends are invited. Or better still, just take it upon yourself to spend some solo time with your mates.
I learnt a long time ago - Remember your friends. Because 9 out of 10 times, they’ll be the ones that are still there when those relationships crumble to dust. And if your friends are anything like me, they’ve got a real, real good memory. We’ll Forgive…..but it’s the Forgetting, we’ll always have a problem with.
The holding of grudges has no place in a friendship. The insertion of one doesn’t either.
I don’t want to end this entry sounding like a bitter, resentful single guy. I enjoy my single-hood. It feels good not always having to take another half into consideration in whatever I do. I feel freer than I’ve been in a long time. And the last thing I want, is to get attached just so I can go on double dates and hang out with my pals and their girlfriends. It’s all too Tupperware sounding for my liking.
Still, singles always have more fun with other singles and never with couples.
~Totally Tim – Typically Terrified of Tie-Ups
“I’d rather be alone for the right reasons than with someone for the wrong ones” – Eric Stolz – Some Kind Of Wonderful (1987).
Valentines Shmalentines! Bleah!
Y’know I’ve been so pre-occupied with all the horrid things found in Chinese New Year that I let it creep up on me like a spider descending upon a miserable fly.
Say hello to the miserable fly.
Once again, we find ourselves immersed in another Hallmark Holiday - Valentine’s Day. Pfft!
Before you think I’m sulking cos I don’t have a date, I’d like to state for record that it’s nothing of the sort. I could get a date if I wanted to. There are lines and lines of women waiting with baited breath for my nod.
At least that’s my story and I’m sticking to it.
I’m going to be celebrating it by assuming the role of 5th wheel alongside 2 couples who I have to meet before they fly back to Melbourne. Boy its going to be swell walking through town with hordes of love sick couples all buying into the commercialism of the whole Valentines schpeel.
The fact of the matter is, everyone gets something out of the occasion. Shops and restaurants are thankful for the business they’re going to get. Girls are thankful for the presents and dinners. Guys are thankful for what they’re going to get in return for those presents and dinners. Dateless shmos like me get squat.
So in order to make myself feel better, I’m going to cover a number of reasons why I’m better off flying solo.
1) The most obvious being all the moolah I get to save. Especially on silly things like flowers which are going to die anyway.
2) I don’t have to worry about impressing anyone with any romantic or extravagant affair.
3) I don’t have to be one of those couples who wear matchy-matchy outfits hahah! You’ve seen ‘em!
4) I don’t have to worry about topping any previous Valentines Day celebration.
5) I don’t have to worry about having the “So what does the future hold for us?” conversation or worry that the night’s events might get strangely construed.
Would you believe I’m out of reasons? Aargh! I’m better off single. I’m better off single. I’m better off single……….
Man this is depressing. Damn I hate stupid Valentines day.
On another note. I remember my very first Valentine. I was 9 years old and I bought her a paper flower with the note “Would you be my Valentine?”
She turned out to be the best Valentine I ever had because 17 years later she’s still in my life.
Happy Valentine’s Day Mum!
~Totally Tim – Hoping all you couples get VD on Vday!
Picking a fight with the New Year! What are you? Chicken?
Yeah forget Singapore Idol, Star Search and every other crappy local competition. In fact who needs a Miss Singapore World or Miss Singapore Universe? The only representative we need......is The Bah Gua Babe.
I can see it now. Dressed in a skimpy little bikini made from our favourite chinese new year treat. Maybe a little pork floss tiara. Oh oh oh! And if we can get her to fly around on a giant lap cheong every year and hand out Ang Pows, nobody's even gonna remember Santa Claus!
Moving along. The year of the Rooster is upon us and although it’s been touted as a bad year for Snakes, I haven’t sprung feathers yet, so you could say it’s been ok so far. Then again it’s only been a few days and if history has taught me anything, I really shouldn’t be counting my chickens before they're hatched. Ooh how witty! Eggcellent if I do say so myself. Woah Chick it out I'm on a roll. Heh ok ok, no reason to scream fowl!
Anyway. I managed to survive the first couple of days of visiting, just barely. As expected, I had to answer the dreaded “Are you working now?” question, just 15 times within the first 4 houses I was at followed by “So who are you going out with now?” and not forgetting “When are you getting married?”
I really should get a shirt printed with the respected answers to save myself the hassle of gritting my teeth, forcing out a smile and revealing that I am indeed an out of work bum who has more of a chance of finding a glimmer of intelligence in Paris Hilton’s head, than a girlfriend much less a wife.
In fact, my grandmother wasn’t too pleased when I mentioned I may never have (nor want) children therefore dashing any hopes of furthering my family name. Did I mention I’m the last male Oh of my line? Bah!
What made Chinese New Year even more special was the lovely 40 degree heat and humidity we Singaporeans are so blessed with. Nothing sets the mood for festivity like being stuck in a car/oven in the hot sun with a beautiful menagerie of scents. Oh the smellicious combination of bah gua, kueh lapis and oranges spoiling in the sun.
So I did what any respectful Chinese boy, faithful to his culture and heritage, would do. I bailed halfway and returned home to continue my appreciation of the joyous occasion from under a cold shower followed by deep meditation. The fact that it took place while tucked in bed and under the covers is purely coincidental.
Also what would Chinese New Year be without a little gambling? After all, many generous (some more than others) friends and relatives have already handed out the fruits of their labour to me, so why not ……… sucker them out of more! Muahaha!
This year, my mates and I wanted to play a game other than the usual poker, blackjack, Tai Ti, etc. So I excitedly introduced them to something called “Shithead”. If you’ve never heard of it, it’s kind of like UNO where the object of the game is to get rid of all your cards using a variety of special cards. What makes it extremely fun, is that half the game is played without actually knowing what your cards are.
The first night we played it, thanks to the very high stakes I suggested, I walked away the grand winner, pocketing the exorbitant sum of ….. 25 cents.
The following night, eager to continue my winning streak, I charged full steam into the game and was quickly reminded about something I’d heard recently. “Snakes don’t fare well in the year of the Rooster.” I lost 30 bucks.
Alas,the new year’s beginning to look more Suspicious than Auspicious.
~ Totally Tim - An unbelievable Tosser......of Yu Sheng that is.
Here’s to less Cock-ups in the Year of the Rooster.
Gong Xi Fa Cai? What Fa Cai? You see any Fa Cai?
So it’s the Eve of Chinese New Year and the Tragic One is not looking forward to the next couple of days. Now many optimistic people (usually the money grubby sort) will pause and exclaim “But why? Tis the season to be rolling in the dough from stacks of Ang Paos!”
Well my greedy little chums, it is common knowledge that the older you get, the less loot there is to be looted. Firstly, due to the never-ending Circle of Life (Did I just hear Elton John?), there are less and less older relatives to mooch off. Secondly, most people assume you’re married or should be and therefore don’t deserve any ill-gotten money – Ill in the sense that it’s theirs and I shouldn’t have it.
Bah! That takes me to my next point. OH THE PRESSHA!!! --- Desperate times call for inaccurate spelling.
In an earlier entry I raised the point that I wasn’t too fond of the idea that everyone around my age was getting married. Now with Chinese New year upon us, that’s just yet another thorn scheduled for insertion …right into my side.
“Why aren’t you married yet?!”
“When are you going to find yourself a nice sweet girl to settle down with?”
“Look at so and so…already married and what a beautiful baby they have.”
Blah blah blah!
What’s with babies anyway? I just want to step on those cute little whiney nose makers!!
*Sigh* I’m kidding. I didn’t mean that.
They’re not cute.
Still, that’s not the pressure I was referring to. Somehow until recently I’d never noticed how Singaporeans are so obsessed with their jobs and everyone else’s. In the past couple of months I’ve been to enough social gatherings such as weddings to completely want to swear off venturing out in public where the first thing people ask you is….
-----
“What are you doing now”
Tim: I’m having dinner / drinks / a conversation with you / a bad feeling you’re referring to a job.
“Yes what job are you doing? Where are you working?”
Tim: I’m not. I’m slacking off and I’m enjoying it so stop hassling me you jealous old prune!”
-----
The sad thing about it is that they’re not so old. Younger and younger people are beginning to hint that I should get off my ass and do something with my life.
Why? Because you’re stuck in a job and have to wake up at some ungodly hour each day to join the rat race just so you can score a bigger piece of cheese?
I do that too. Except all I do if I want to score a bigger piece is to reach out and open my refrigerator door.
It’s just kind of depressing that these days, having a job determine your value as a person, has become so ingrained into the minds of society. What’s even more depressing is that it might be getting ingrained into mine if I’m letting these peons affect me.
In fact I just thought of something. I’m going to come up with a list of things to say to people this week every time someone bugs me about what I’m doing for a living,
----
Kaypoh person 1: What are you doing these days?
Me: Nothing. Why else would I be here visiting yo old mouldy ass to get money?
Kaypoh person 2: What are you working on now?
Me: I’m working on how to get more money without answering anymore stupid questions”
Kaypoh person 3: So have you decided what you want to be yet?
Me: Yes. I’ve decided I want to be ….. on my way to the next house to collect money, so take these miserable oranges, hand over the red packets and I’ll see you next year.
-----
Finally I’ve also recently been told that the year of the Chicken, isn’t particularly favorable for those of us born in the year of the Snake.
Awesome. Yet another piece of beautiful news.
“Happy Chinese New year to you, and you, and you, and you, and yo….oh no not you. Your new year’s going to suck. But hey have some Bah Gua anyway.”
The story of my life.
But don’t go thinking Cocks and Snakes don’t get along. *shudder* I’ve also been told that as a Snake, my ideal partner for marriage is someone born in the year of the Chicken. Yet another reason to stay single.
Still it’s a great excuse to give if I ever want to settle down with someone 20 years younger *grin*
Alright, before I sign off and embark on a beautiful dream adventure filled with Buah Keluak, Babi Pangang, He Pio Soup and other Peranakan dishes to look forward to at tonight’s reunion dinner, let me wish all Happy Chinese New Year and urge you remember what’s truly important.
Chinese New Year isn’t about the sound of money falling into your pockets………
…..Because we all know REAL money doesn’t make a sound. It slips in softly and doesn’t jingle. Heheheh. Oh yeah, family and friends too yadahyadah.
~Totally Tim – Time To Turn In and Tune Out
Totally Tim - not quite ready for a bicycle made for two.
You know it really means a lot when you abandon your blog for months on end, to find that message waiting for you when you eventually check it again. Even if the message just says something simple like “Update lar!”. Of course I have had friends message me over MSN and stuff telling me that but it really does put a smile on my face to see it in the guestbook. Aw! You care.
Thanks.
Happy New Year. I haven’t quite figured out if it’s been a happy one so far or if it’s going to turn out to be a happy one. But then again, what defines happiness anyway? If it just means the lack of unhappiness, then yeah I’ll settle for that.
I realized for the longest time, that I was quite the moody bastard, especially toward the end of the year. Hence I’m going to make a conscious (perhaps even unconscious depending on how much I’ve had to drink) effort not to repeat that phase anytime soon. After all, I’ve already heard life being described enough as a pill. No need to make it even harder to swallow.
Although sometimes I do figure maybe I need more of a life anyway. I’m desperately trying to grab more pills. Damn that child-proof cap!
So what’s been happening you ask? It’s a rhetorical question by the way. I’m just assuming you want to know. Interestingly enough, at 27 years of age, I still haven’t learnt the difference between ‘assume’ and ‘presume’.
I resumed my extremely long drawn out quest at attaining a driver’s license recently. Especially after I found out my basic theory certificate was dated 1995. Wow! How many other people do you know took a decade between taking the first step and actually getting their license? Once again, a rhetorical question. I feel enough of a loser already.
So I’ve got a date set. 9th of March. That’s just slightly over a month from now. For the longest time I was always trying to figure out why it took eons to score a test date. I mean, if they conduct numerous tests a day, everyday at a number of driving centers, the process should be much faster. After all I don’t think that many people in Singapore are taking lessons anyway. At least I don’t think so.
Then I realized. That’s cos many people take a number of tests before they actually pass. That means a bunch of zero’s are wasting everybody else’s time by perpetually failing and having to retake tests, using slots which should rightly belong to those who are trying to take the test for the first time. At least that’s what I think. Perhaps priority should be given to first time takers.
Now I realize that I may be setting myself up for a huge embarrassment by scoffing, especially before I take my test. After all, I might end up one of those aforementioned zeros who fails his test and will have to retake it. I’ve proven time and time again how Tragic the Timothean Trail already is. Still, C’mon, how hard can it be for some people?
Strangely enough, I also quickly learnt the answer to that question on my last lesson. Yes Siree! Yours truly got involved in an accident. I can still imagine the shock on that poor girls face at the point of impact. You can imagine the expression on mine……especially since my car was stationary at the time.
Hey I never said I was the one who caused the accident. But back to the point I was making earlier about how hard was it to pass your driving test. This unfortunate soul who collided into my car was taking her test at the time. In fact she bumped into my rear (of car that is) 3 minutes into her test, barely 50 meters from where she got into the car and started.
What’s worse, she was driving her private instructor’s car and not the center’s. I doubt he was too pleased at the damage. Needless to say, I think she also failed her test. If anything, I’m quite glad that my first accident didn’t turn out to be my fault. I’m even gladder that she’s still a pedestrian and not playing bumper cars with humans. I wonder if they immediately pass me on default if on my test date someone else causes an accident and crashes into me through no fault of mine.
So another note. Chinese New Year’s coming up. Considering there are so many Chinese people spread out around the world, I wonder if people will be wishing each other “Happy Chinese New Year” everywhere. Although I’m fairly certain that in China, they just say “Happy New Year”.
As of late I’ve already started feeling the pressure with so many people around me getting married. Especially when those people are my age or younger. I mean I’m not looking to get married anytime soon. I just don’t like being part of a minority. You see, we all have this constant counter in our heads as we go through our lives. Team Hitched and Team Single. Classmate gets married. Click! One for the other team. Cousin gets hitched. Click! Another for the visiting team. Neighbors down the street get a divorce. Click! One for the home team. Neighbor’s wife just happens to be real hot. Click! Yeah but that’s for another counter completely.
Anyway the point is, before long you realize that Team Single is getting smaller and smaller and that’s no fun at all. Cos you also realize that the more couples getting married, the less there are of normal attractive chicks for us. Especially when you’re desperately waiting for the next batch to hurry up and ripen.
It’s even worse on Chinese New Year where the custom is for the married to give out money filled red packets to the singles. You can sense the reluctance when they still have to give you an ‘ang pow’.
“What! You’re older than us! Why aren’t you married yet? Why do we have to give you money?!!” They don’t actually say it. But it’s all in the eyes. Hehe.
On that note. It’s time for me to tuck into bed with my girlfriend. Plastic doesn’t blow itself up you know.
Happy New Year once again. Have a good one.
~Totally Tim – I hate to inflate my date.
