Totally Tim - crediting a few in my functioning dysfunctional family
Wassup yall! Surprise surprise , another quick entry from the Terrific Timothean. Just got home from a b-day celebration that turned out pretty swell. First up before I continue, a big shout out to my darling cousin Diane who turns 28 this Tuesday. Yikes 2 years to the big 3-0. That’s some pretty scary shit. I’ve got to remember to hang on tightly two these next 3 months before I hit 28 too. But hey! What could life possibly hit me with when I’m 30 that it hasn’t already after 28 long years of existence. Maybe I shouldn’t ask that question just yet.
Anyway yes, Diane turns 28 and is a lovely reminder that has a much of a dysfunctional family I come from, there’s still a few bright sparks this generation of my gene pool has to offer. A lot of people are always surpised when they find out how close I am to a few of my cousins and how we hang out in the same group and all. It doesn’t happen for many others and I guess it helps that most of my generation are around the same age so we do have loads in common. A tight age difference doesn’t always mean a close relationship with your relatives though. I’ve met many a prick the same age as me. Sometimes you’re lucky to have cousins you like. Sometimes you’re even luckier to have them as friends.
So we did our usual group ritual of celebrating our birthdays at Ban Leong seafood restaurant, although it’s more like a coffee shop. Yeah we had tons of food including chilli and pepper crab which I’ve got to admit, didn’t taste all that good. The sauce was all like watery and stuff. Eww! Try soaking up that with your “man to”. Not a pleasant experience I assure you. Dunno why they bothered with the buns. Should have just given us straws.
Anyway after a hearty chocolate ice-cream cake we decided to continue the evening at some place near Alexandra road. This place had a Balinese theme which looked pretty rad. Although after closer inspection, a Balinese theme is pretty easy to re-create. You just need to take a house and remove parts of the roof and walls. Still need to have the door frames though. Plant some trees and grow some grass, flood a few parts to make ponds, add frogs and voila! In fact you feel like you’re actually in a house in a war torn country or a place that’s been hit by a tornado. There’s no electricity either since every table's using candles. Tada! Now it’s an ethnic Balinese establishment. Some massive bullfrogs were also freaking out a few of the ladies by just croaking.
I’ll never understand how women can pour burning hot wax on their inner thigh, rip it off along with a tuft of hair, and still be afraid of a bullfrog croaking. Same goes with spiders, roaches and lizards. Then again there are a lot of things about women I’ll never understand.
So after numerous glasses of wine we decided to call it a night and drive home. It dawned upon me after I got home that considering there was so much wine drunk, there were an awful lot of drivers getting behind the wheel tonight. Bad! Bad! Bad! No drinking and driving! Yeah. That’s my little public service announcement for the night hahah!
Time go beddy bye now. Later peeps!
Totally Tim – Sometimes Boring. Always Adoring!
Totally Tim – Some things are hard to stomach
(DISCLAIMER) – DO NOT READ IF YOU’RE GONNA GIVE ME FLAK
Its 3.48 am on Sunday morning and the Tragic Titan has decided to spin yet another tale in his tremend-less voyage of life.
This weekend isn’t turning out the way I had hoped although I can’t say I haven’t been warned. After all according to Friendster’s wonderful feature they call “joint horoscopes”, I shouldn’t expect “smooth sailing” with anyone on my list. Yeah the sad thing is I’m actually beginning to trust this cyber soothsayer. It seems almost everything and everyone I treasure seems to be turning on me. This includes my o-so-favourite source of happiness – Chicken Rice. Yeah after a hearty meal of the ambrosia I look forward to on a daily basis, I came down with a nasty case of food poisoning which provided many an opportunity to rush to the toilet and deposit the evidence of disagreeable digestion. Yes I realize it doesn’t paint a pretty picture but it was awful man. My stomach’s been churning and hurting like a bitch. It’s one thing to have the squits. It’s another to be in constant pain, both physical and emotional. “How could Chicken Rice do this to me?” I scream at the heavens!
I also so managed to score another ridiculous argument with someone. I’m beginning to see a trend here and it’s starting to worry me. Not so much in what I’m seeing in the other person, but what I’m beginning to notice about myself. Sometimes in life you meet people that not only annoy you, but also make you question who you are. As angry as you get at others, what hurts the most is when you see things in you that you’re mad at. “No man is an island” is a pretty common phrase you hear all the time. It’s pretty true because you can’t just be yourself all the time. Sometimes you have to change who you are and what you are so you can adapt to people around you. To believe that you truly don’t is a serious case of disillusion. The most important question however, is “do you like who you are?” Because the only person that’s really gonna be with you till the day you die, is yourself. Answering to somebody else is difficult. Answering to yourself is the killer. Nobody else is gonna live with your regrets. You are.
I’m not happy with who I’ve become. I was a real care-free, easy going guy for a long time. It was pretty hard to get me down. As of late of though, I’m just depressed, angry and short-tempered. In fact I felt a fire burn in me today that I haven’t felt in years and it scared me. Not so much that somebody brought it out it me, but that somebody could. That disturbs me.
Disappointment plays a huge part in it. When you try so hard at something, you expect results. Everybody wants to be treated the way they treat others. So when you treat others well and you try your darnest to touch their lives with effort and respect, you have every right to expect them to reciprocate in kind. When they don’t, that’s when doubt sets in. You wonder what you’re doing wrong. You wonder what’s wrong with you. You question yourself and the person you are. You ask yourself if maybe you’re not worth the effort for them, and how you can change. Sometimes you ask yourself why you even bother trying if you’re not gonna get anything out of it. Does that make you self-centered? I mean yeah as much as you want to do something for somebody because you care, part of you expects them to care for you too. Friendships or relationships, a one way flow of traffic doesn’t apply to either. And what you don’t notice is, while you’re fighting to change and adapt to somebody else, you lose a little bit of yourself day by day. One morning your wake up and you don’t even recognise yourself in the mirror.
As of late, I don’t recognise myself anymore. I feel like I’ve compromised so much of my standards, beliefs and principles, that I hardly remember what they were and what it was to have them. The truth is, I don’t like this person I’ve suddenly become. I used to have dignity and self-respect and a little bit of confidence. Without those things, I deserve to be trampled on and walked all over. Without those things, I will call into question what is right and wrong. Without those things, I will end up apologizing for something that I didn’t do. Without those things I will second guess myself and take up stands that I don’t believe in. Without those things, I’ll be killing who I am, and who I want to be.
You can only try so hard at pleasing somebody and fighting to keep whatever it is you share. Then you got to ask yourself if the gains are worth the costs. The costs being…you. Winning somebody and losing yourself is not a fortuitous situation. What you really want, is somebody who not only loves you, but makes you love yourself as well. A winning hand is when both somebody else and YOURSELF wants to be with you.
That being said, the events of the weekend so far are not gonna keep me down. I’m gonna try again. Some things are worth fighting for. Some things are worth the perseverance. Some things are what make you wake up every morning. Some things are worth a second chance.
So just because I got food poisoning once, I will still never stop loving Chicken Rice.
~Totally Tim – No more yummy for this horrid tummy.
Totally Tim - Tipping his Hat Today
Okay. It’s funny how something bad can trigger off such sudden blogging regularity. Well it’s true what they say. Blogging is therapeutic and I’ve never denied that I’m doing all this for personal gratification than for the amusement of you readers. Not that you don’t matter. Of course not! It’s just that I matter more.
I wanna say a big thank you to Denise aka Smelly for giving the Tragic One’s online journal a face lift. It’s slightly prettier and I am rather pleased with it although she did forget to leave in the counter which I had placed in the original template giving me some idea of how often people actually visited my tiny piece of the cyber world. I’ve considered adding in a new one from scratch should we be unable to recover and resume the original counter which I believe indicated close to 2 thousand hits since this blog’s inception 1 year and 3 months ago. That’s not too bad considering most of the months that went by didn’t include any entries at all thanks to my highly disciplined blogging ethic. However I think, we might just forgo the whole counter thing completely. I should be motivated to record my life’s events by me alone and not by the number of people who are interested in reading my drabble. But once again, I thank you if you do.
Despite the sometimes comedic and often sarcastic satire I tend to use when recounting the events of my life, many of you can probably guess that deep within, they truly affect me on an emotional level. I may like to bitch about a lot of things but I never like being genuinely angry or staying mad at anything or anyone. Idealistic? Yes I am. Emotional? Always.
I am grateful for the people around me who have shown a genuine interest in my life and offered their support unconditionally through everything I encounter or embark on through this often tragic Timothean trail. So I’m gonna do something unusual for a change and actually highlight these friends by name, who’ve been nothing less than great during my most recent tumultuous tale.
Drew : My homeboy. Thanks for being there always and I am forever grateful for being blessed with your friendship and brotherly love. I don’t expect this recent turn of events to be the easiest to handle seeing that she was your cousin and you might at times have felt your loyalty being torn between friendship and family. Thank you for being understanding and being mature enough to talk and offer comfort despite the circumstances. Thank you for also being cool with the idea of us dating to begin with and while it may not have turned out the way any of us had hoped, the fact that you were happy for us for a time, truly means the world to me.
Natasha: Miss Singapore Runner Up! Beautiful in every sense of the word. Cheena eyes or not, I’m also grateful for your love as both a union partner and a friend. The nights we spent shooting the breeze and sharing our problems cannot be described in simple words alone. Whenever I needed a shoulder (I’m not gonna say to cry on .. cos I’m too manly) you offered me both of yours. Thank you for your always encouraging hugs, sms’ and kind words that always put a smile on my face just when I required one. If I can find someone half as sweet as you, I probably wouldn’t deserve her anyway.
Geetha: I guess birds of a feather do flock together. While you’re relatively new to the life of Tim, you, like Natasha never fail to cheer me up with your hilarious comments, observations and antics. Thanks for letting me share. Thanks for listening. Thanks for thinking I’m mature ... at least for now.
Denise: Hey smelly. You’re always a hoot. Despite the highly suspect ways in which you offer comfort and affirmation, thank you for always making me ask myself for the answers instead of offering them to me. God knows you’re important to me and I hope you know that too.
Jac: You may never ever read this. But I’ll give a shout out to you too. Things turned topsy turvy real quick, but the good times we did share will always be memorable. While this whole affair came and went in a blink of an eye, I think I’ve grown a little bit from it. Thank you.
Honorouble mention also going out to Viv and Belinda. Your support and friendship will always be treasured.
There we go. Dedication show’s over for now. See you at the next programme.
~Totally Tim – No longer mad. No longer sad. But pretty glad…for some very cool peeps.
Reaching out for your fellow man shouldn't result in fireworks
Yo! So its time for another entry. Actually it’s been time for another entry for the past 4 months. No excuses this time. I was just plain lazy. But heck you already know that.
First up - A big shout out and pat on the back to my numerous homies and homettes (yes I realize that term sounds a lil bizarre – kinda like a small house) who have lost their special someone’s this year. I’m talking animals. 2005 has not been a good year for us pet owners with so many of our beloved ones taking the one way trip to that grass patch in the sky. Personally I haven’t begun to even consider ever getting another dog again. But hey, that’s just me. I’m sentimental and silly. Other peeps have told me maybe you should quickly get another animal before you’re turned off completely to getting a pet because of this whole death thing. Yeah except this whole death thing will happen to all animals and all of us No Duh! Yeah, but hey. Whatever works for you yeah?
Next topic. Woohoo! National Day came and went in a flash. The “Oh-Seet-Teo-Riard” crew (nevermind who they are. They mind themselves enough on their own) decided to organise a picnic of sorts to check out the fireworks this year from a vantage point which had what I’d describe as it’s Highs, Lows, and Blows. From where we were, the trees were too High. We were too Low. And not being able to see the fireworks really Blows!
Nonetheless, I feel we did out our very patriotic thing (voluntary or involuntary) and sang heaps of national day songs in the car that yours truly spent 2 days downloading off the internet. Hmmmm….National Pride Piracy – makes me feel guilty AND kinda excited.
Anyhoo, yes I have too much time on my hands, but having yodeled along to 15 years of national day theme songs, from Chan Mali Chan, Home, Stand up for Singapore to Muneru Valiba, I’ve learnt 2 things. Number 1, I am a very proud Singaporean when it comes to music and 2, it is possible for people to actually cup their ears for hours on end when they really hate your choice of music.
What I was most proud about though, was my little national day goody bags that I prepared that afternoon. Trying to provide as genuine an experience as possible to what those parade attendees at the padang (who obviously have too much time and can afford to stay overnight at ndp ticket collection centers – at least that’s how it was a couple years ago. The procedures might have since changed) were going through on the 9th of August. Ok so I didn’t have any fancy back packs with the NDP logo stuck on them with coloured flash lights and plastic boppers that you clap along to “Singapore Town”. But I did have zip loc bags stuffed with mammee, chocolates, breath mints, tissue, NEW WATER, party stuff, Chinese candy, 1 packet drink and all the similar crap you would find in a typical national bag. Not to mention a plastic Singapore flag and some government propaganda like brochures and stuff lying around at home – yeah you know you’ve seen those in anything ‘free’ given out by the PAP. Yes all in all in was fun. I’m looking forward to next years NDP. Not the parade though, the bonding between friends. AND definitely not that Taufik song either.
By the way it’s been brought to my attention that “Stand Up for Singapore” has homosexual connotations. While I disagree completely, I have to ask the relevance of the line “Reach out for your fellow man. You’ve got to make it stand” (or was it make a stand, nonetheless what exactly are they trying to insinuate here hmmm?) It’s ok dude. You just stand there. No need to be doin no reaching over here.
Hokay final topic for this entry. I FINALLY FRIGGIN PASSED MY FRIGGIN DRIVERS TEST! WOOHOOO! That’s right. I now have my very own drivers license, albeit with an ugly picture but hey! Take that all you people who can’t drive! Losers! What’s taking you so long? I can drive and you can’t! Nehnehneebooboo! Ok. So it took me 3 tries to pass. And yes I was 27 when I passed but c’mon! At least let me return some of the fun that’s been poked at me through the years. I’m also pleased to announce that on my final test, I passed with a perfect score! Woohoo! So look out! Tim O’s driving to a street near you! ‘Cept if you live in somewhere like Tuas or Chua Chu Kang or Lim Chu Kang or Phua Chu Kang or anything with a Chu Kang in it. I live nearby Yio Chu Kang and I still get lost once in a while. Me needs to gets one of them GPS thingamabobs!
And that wraps up another boring entry from the Titanical, tyranical and Theme-song-lyrical Timothean known as erm…Tim.
I’ll catch you soon….if not later. Well I know for a fact that it’s one of them. It’s definitely either sooner or later. 50/50 chance. Those aren’t really bad odds if you think about it now are they?
Tata!
~Totally Tim – Neurotic, Narcassistic but O-SO NATIONALISTIC
“Di mana dia anak kambing saya? Anak kambing saya yang makan daun talas”
-Chan Mali Chan (National Day Theme Song)
P.S – What does a baby goat have to do with Singapore and why are they looking for it?
