Totally Tim - Telling You that YOU ARE INTERESTED!
Wow it’s been a week….well actually more than a week since my last Blog entry. Its funny how my strict ‘Blog everyday religiously’ mentality seems to have gone the way every new hobby in my life has gone….straight down the toilet.So what have been up to you ask? I’m just assuming you’re asking ok! Just humor me.
I have managed to adapt to the hot humid Singaporean weather well enough to start venturing out of the sanctity of my air-con room more regularly. The good thing I guess is that I have yet to use the hot water heater since my return. Somehow the cold water here doesn’t seem quite as cold as the warm water in Australia.
I am also getting comfortable with my semi-retirement….it sounds much better than unemployed status. Then again it’s not exactly like potential employers and knocking down my door or anything. So I have decided to take this time to accomplish a few things which I would probably never have gotten out of the way if my time was bogged down with a job.
Firstly, GETTING A FRIGGIN DRIVERS LICENCE. That’s right. You heard correctly (Or READ correctly unless of course you have one of those audio software thingys which read text off the screen on your behalf. In which case you are a lazy bugger who should learn how to read! Anyway, I digress), I have yet to acquire that tiny piece of plastic which says the government trusts me with the use of a motor vehicle.
Sadly enough, it’s not like I never started or failed on countless attempts. I’ve just spaced out my progress very widely. Very Very Very widely. I passed my basic theory about 8 years ago. 3 years ago I completed all my practical lessons. So you’re probably wondering (once again I’m just assuming) why I still don’t have a license. Well that’s all thanks to a little rule that says I must take my advance theory before I can take the practical test. Its funny how one little thing can bring all that progress to sudden halt. Did I fail the theory test? No, I just never got around to applying for it. What a stupid reason right? Well like I said, I have a problem of not finishing things I’ve started.
I’ve suffered this disability since I was an itty bitty kid in primary school.
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Teacher: Timothy Oh Hsien Liang you’re such a talkative naughty boy. Want me to report to your mother issit? (For an English teacher, she really didn’t really set a good example)
Me: Sorry Cher. I’m doing my work.
Teacher: Have you even started on your reading comprehension yet?
Me: Yes Cher. I oredi started.
Teacher: How much have you done.
Me: *very proudly* I’ve written my name and date at the top of the paper.
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Fortunately my super sweet and innocent smile got me out of trouble on more than one occasion.
Anyway back to the driving. Yes I’ve re-enrolled myself into Singapore Safety Driving Centre or SSDC for short in hopes that by the time I turn 27, I would have silenced the pleas of many (mainly friends and family who have been burdened with driving me around for the past couple of decades) by adding to the traffic congestion of our tiny country.
I’ve also managed to spend much more time with my baby niece who turned two in June.
I always regretted not having been able to attend both her first and second birthday since I was away in Melbourne at the time. Although I can say I was there on her very first birthday, by which I mean the day that she was actually born. In fact I actually used my nokia phone to record one of her first cries. Unfortunately just like all the other phones I’ve owned, I lost it when I left it in a cab. So somewhere in the island now, some lucky person is walking around with my phone and Caitlyn’s voice. Sounds creepy if you think about it.
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Phone rings
Adult Caitlyn: Hello?
Creepy caller: *Heavy Breathing*
Adult Caitlyn: Oi! Who is this?
Creepy caller: I have something of yours!
Adult Caityln: You horrible Chee Ko Pek! What do you want?
Creepy caller: Listen to this. “Waaaah, waaaaah”!
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My poor niece might feel very violated and traumatized!
Strangely enough, I’m fairly certain that my dear niece will grow up with a higher tolerance of trauma than her dear ol’ uncle Tim. Speaking of which, it tickles me to know end to hear someone running around all day saying “Uncle Tim! Uncle Tim”. Touching ain’t it? I’m just glad that she remembers and acknowledges me despite my absence.
Wanna hear something really heartwarming? (Of course you do. Even if you said no, Lisa Loeb’s opening line to her song Stay says it all for me…"You say I only hear what I want to..” and right now I’m hearing you say “Of course Tim! Tell me something heartwarming!”)
Of course I’ll tell you since you asked so politely.
My sister asked her offspring today who her best friend was. To which Caitlyn replied…..
“Uncle Tim”.
*sniff*
Maybe I shouldn’t have called her a little Sasquatch when she was born after all.
But yes, speaking of trauma. Children her age are always fascinated by the colourful world of Childrens Television. I know I was. I remember bawling away at how unfair the world was when I missed Sesame Street one Saturday. My unsympathetic mother shhhhed me and said “That’s no way for 25 year olds to behave”.
Bah!
Anyway for the longest time baby Caitlyn was obsessed with Hi-5. In fact I was quite proud that she knew how to hi-5 people before learning how to shake hands.
However just like every bad reality T.V series there’s always a twist.
I had considered the possibility…..I had feared the chance…..but somehow I’d always managed to convice myself that it wouldn't happen…..I mean what are the chances….Oh GOD NO!!
You can only imagine the horror when I learnt my niece had discovered....
(Scroll Down)
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“I love you. You love me. We’re one happy family……”
The third task I’ve undertaken is to start going to the gym regularly. Right now I seem to be on track according to my personal Gym Training Frequency Indicator. Wah! Sounds Cheem doesn’t it?
Sadly, no it’s nothing complicated. The indicator I refer to is actually the soreness and pain my body is racked with. My fat ass must be hitting the gym enough if I can’t actually feel it anymore – my ass I mean. Probably due to the fact that the only thing I CAN feel is the pain in my arms and shoulders.
I shall be most displeased if I do not see results soon. My mum has actually suggested I take up a sport and encouraged me to learn golf. I brushed off the suggestion with snicker and snort and exclaimed something to the effect of “Bah! Golf is for sissies and girls!”
I of course neglected to inform her that the last time I went to the driving range I failed miserably at hitting the balls. There’s nothing like swinging at a stationary object and missing completely to cast doubt upon any hand-ball coordination you might have believed you had. The balls which my club did manage to come into contact with were driven a very unimpressive distance of about 50 centimeters. Birdies? Eagles? Holes in ones? Nope, the only thing yours truly gets, are sore arms and blisters.
Maybe I’ll go back to Tennis. I mean it’s all scientific. The balls are bigger. The head of a racquet is definitely bigger than a club’s……….. and the chicks on the courts might be wearing those Tennis skirts heheheh.
Ok more pic chers! My former housemate Junie recently sent me some pics from my farwell in Melbourne. Here’s a shot of me and my favorite dish at this Chinese restaurant called Ling Nam.
Lobster in XO sauce.
Yes it tasted as good as it looks and sounds. Sluuuurp!
Yes they were very grateful I paid for dinner.
And on the day of my departure itself……
Yes that is me in the centre. Despite my attempt at the rock star look, other kind souls have brought to my attention the fact that I look like Michael Jackson. Namely my dear mother.
Ok, I have the hair!
Ok, I have the pale pasty complexion!
Ok....... you’re right I look like Michael Jackson. Still it would have been nice if they could have said Aerosmith guitarist Joe Perry instead.
Alrighty! Enough blabbering bumbling blogging for now. Time for the Timothean Terror known as Tim to turn in.
Good night cruel world! I’ve already gotten a haircut ok! Lay off!
~Totally Tim – Totally Trying to Tame his Mane
posted by Timmy Tim Tim @ 2:50 AM
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