Tragic,Ticklish and Totally Timothean!

Picking a fight with the New Year! What are you? Chicken?

Yeah forget Singapore Idol, Star Search and every other crappy local competition. In fact who needs a Miss Singapore World or Miss Singapore Universe? The only representative we need......is The Bah Gua Babe.

I can see it now. Dressed in a skimpy little bikini made from our favourite chinese new year treat. Maybe a little pork floss tiara. Oh oh oh! And if we can get her to fly around on a giant lap cheong every year and hand out Ang Pows, nobody's even gonna remember Santa Claus!

Moving along. The year of the Rooster is upon us and although it’s been touted as a bad year for Snakes, I haven’t sprung feathers yet, so you could say it’s been ok so far. Then again it’s only been a few days and if history has taught me anything, I really shouldn’t be counting my chickens before they're hatched. Ooh how witty! Eggcellent if I do say so myself. Woah Chick it out I'm on a roll. Heh ok ok, no reason to scream fowl!

Anyway. I managed to survive the first couple of days of visiting, just barely. As expected, I had to answer the dreaded “Are you working now?” question, just 15 times within the first 4 houses I was at followed by “So who are you going out with now?” and not forgetting “When are you getting married?”

I really should get a shirt printed with the respected answers to save myself the hassle of gritting my teeth, forcing out a smile and revealing that I am indeed an out of work bum who has more of a chance of finding a glimmer of intelligence in Paris Hilton’s head, than a girlfriend much less a wife.

In fact, my grandmother wasn’t too pleased when I mentioned I may never have (nor want) children therefore dashing any hopes of furthering my family name. Did I mention I’m the last male Oh of my line? Bah!

What made Chinese New Year even more special was the lovely 40 degree heat and humidity we Singaporeans are so blessed with. Nothing sets the mood for festivity like being stuck in a car/oven in the hot sun with a beautiful menagerie of scents. Oh the smellicious combination of bah gua, kueh lapis and oranges spoiling in the sun.

So I did what any respectful Chinese boy, faithful to his culture and heritage, would do. I bailed halfway and returned home to continue my appreciation of the joyous occasion from under a cold shower followed by deep meditation. The fact that it took place while tucked in bed and under the covers is purely coincidental.

Also what would Chinese New Year be without a little gambling? After all, many generous (some more than others) friends and relatives have already handed out the fruits of their labour to me, so why not ……… sucker them out of more! Muahaha!

This year, my mates and I wanted to play a game other than the usual poker, blackjack, Tai Ti, etc. So I excitedly introduced them to something called “Shithead”. If you’ve never heard of it, it’s kind of like UNO where the object of the game is to get rid of all your cards using a variety of special cards. What makes it extremely fun, is that half the game is played without actually knowing what your cards are.

The first night we played it, thanks to the very high stakes I suggested, I walked away the grand winner, pocketing the exorbitant sum of ….. 25 cents.

The following night, eager to continue my winning streak, I charged full steam into the game and was quickly reminded about something I’d heard recently. “Snakes don’t fare well in the year of the Rooster.” I lost 30 bucks.

Alas,the new year’s beginning to look more Suspicious than Auspicious.

~ Totally Tim - An unbelievable Tosser......of Yu Sheng that is.

Here’s to less Cock-ups in the Year of the Rooster.

posted by Timmy Tim Tim @ 3:43 AM