Tragic,Ticklish and Totally Timothean!

Slutty Snow White, Little Red Riding Ditz and other Freudian and Freaky Fairy Tales.

Fairy Tales – The Tragic Truth Told Through Totally Tim

Cinderella – She cooks. She cleans. She wants to run away. Let’s just calla spade a spade. Cinderella was just a maid. If her step-mother wanted her gone so badly, there are much easier ways these days. Just do what everyone else does. Cancel her work permit and send her back to Manila. By the way…I hear the glass slipper is now in the collection of Imelda Marcos.

Snow White and Sleeping Beauty – Tarts! One lived with 7 guys. The other needed one prick to fall asleep, and another to wake her up. Both had to be awoken by a kiss. AS IF! These days, kissing a sleeping stranger will result in accusations of molest and rape. Your face will be splashed across the news before an unsympathetic judge finds you guilty and sentences you to jail. Just as ask the former TV reporter from CNA.

Goldilocks – Comes into your house uninvited. Eats your food. Sleeps in your bed and has the cheek to be fussy. 3 words – “Buay Tze Dong!" I didn’t realize Goldilocks was Singaporean.

Little Red Riding Hood – How stupid must you be to mistake a wolf for your grandmother? Maybe her grandmother was really ugly to begin with. Either way, Little Red Riding Hood deserved to die. The gene pool needed cleansing. Besides, from a fashion point of view…Red hoods are so Passé! Plus it would only clash with all the earthy colors of the woods! So unless you want to look like Santa’s little helper, I suggest you check out Vogue to find out what’s ‘in’ this season Girlfriend! Mmm mmm mmm
(snaps fingers and shakes head from side to side)

Rumplestiltskin – Ugly guy. Hot chick. So typical. Anyway, chick finds out his real name and he bolts. This is such a Soap Opera style plot. Except in Days of Our Lives, it would have taken an entire season for the princess to find out Rumplestiltskin’s real name, while having affairs with numerous other people in the castle and all without her husband the King finding out the truth. Rumplestiltskin’s identity is revealed only because a parlor-maid overheard him during one of those monologues Soaps are famous for, when characters talk aloud to themselves when they think no ones looking. Armed with this info, the parlor-maid tries to black-mail Rumplestiltskin. This alone will require at least 13 episodes before we learn that Rumplestiltskin is the father of the princess’ baby who was brain-washed by some evil criminal-mind with a typically Eastern European name like Stephano or Carmella. (I can go on forever)

There we go! Just when you thought Tim O couldn’t spew anymore bogus but brilliant babble than he already has! And believe you me (I love that phrase) there will be more to come.

For now, I need to go hit the sack …... But it’s already taken legal action with charges of assault and the cops have issued a restraining order keeping me outside a 5 km radius from the aforementioned sack. Not only that but the pillows and bolsters have been relocated under the witness protection programme. Yeah it’s been rough on me. Thankfully my friends are such great comforters. *grin*

Tune in tomorrow for more Trashy Timothean Tickles.
- Tim Out

posted by Timmy Tim Tim @ 11:44 PM