Tragic,Ticklish and Totally Timothean!

It's All About ME

Hey! Hows it going? Yeah ok enough about you lets talk about me!
*shameless grin*

As the Blog description at the top promises, it's time for those rants and raves...in alphabetical order and from a purely Timothean perspective of course. :)

Therefore behold the wonder...that are Tim's A-Z's
(audience woos and waas in amazement)

Ok i admit the title really sucks but I couldn't think of anything creative. Bear with me.

A – Abdominal muscles are so over rated. 6 pack ab this and 6 pack ab that. Honestly! What’s so attractive about having durian seeds on your stomach. I’d rather have durians In my stomach. Yeah yeah, I know a similar argument has been made about women’s breasts. However, abdominal muscles are hard and I can only imagine ‘uncomfortable to grope at’. A pair of female (I must stress since nowadays desperate men have taken to growing their own) breasts are just the opposite. Supple, tender and ….. well I don’t have to elaborate. So if attractiveness is associated with a woman’s large, soft and wobbly (couldn’t think of a better term) mounds of flesh, then the same should be applied to a man’s large, soft and wobbly gut. That said, I’m buying an ‘ab swing’ tomorrow

B – Barney the purple dinosaur looks a little like Dino the pet in the Flintstones don’t ya think? Reminds me of a joke I once heard. What do you call a lesbian dinosaur? Lick-a-lota-pus.How bout a gay (male) dinosaur? Major Saurus (pronounced as Sore-Ass)

C – Callista Flockhart’s completely disappeared since Aly Mcbeal finished. Then again. Maybe she’s just disappeared fullstop. I wonder what Harrison Ford sees in her….erm…I wonder if Harrison Ford CAN see her. The last time I saw something that thin, it had an eraser on the end of it.

D – Does Marc Anthony know what he’s getting into? Besides Jenny Lopez’s bed. The 2 got married over the weekend. Entertainment Tonight did a feature on the wedding and decided to ask her ex’s what they thought. P-Diddy was happy for them. Ben Affleck was happy for them. Chris
Judd was happy….he was getting publicity on ET.

E – Elle McPherson is hot. How can you not be when you’re voted as being among the top 10 most naturally beautiful people in the world? The most beautiful in case you’re wondering is Audrey Hepburn

F- Fools! Fools! They’re all fools! Do the network executives behind Big Brother Australia think that any more guys are going to tune in now that the big hooter chicks have been evicted?

G – “Give a man a fish and he’ll survive a day. Teach him to fish, and he’ll survive the rest of his days”. If I had to live the rest of my life eating nothing but fish, I’d kill myself.

H – Hugh Jackman is on his way to becoming a national Icon in Australia. First, he played Wolverine. Then he starred opposite Meg Ryan. Now he’s won a Tony Award. How wonderful it must be to have one of your countryman make it big and do your nation proud. Just like Kylie…..who seems to have moved to the UK, picked up British Accent and hasn’t released a record under an Aussie Label in years.

I – Interesting and very funny. This blog on the web is one of the funniest things I’ve read in a long time. I don’t know her but I’m gonna continue reading her entries cos it cracks me up. Check it out www.xiaxue.blogspot.com .

J – Jessica Simpson is like my old bottle of liquid paper – White and empty! Have you seen Newlyweds? (no? ok then it’s just me). It’s a reality tv programme on the married life of her and nick lachey (from 98 degrees) The fact that the show is into its second season would make u
think she doesn’t mind MTV making her look so stupid. I don’t know if she has a brother called Bart, but she definitely takes after Homer.

K – Karaoke? *sigh* Yes I confess……My name is Tim….and I’m a recovering addict. It has been 4 weeks now…

L – Laos. Do u describe a person with Laotian characteristics as Laosy?

M – Mambo night at Zouk is like a cult gathering. Loud. Dark. Synchronized movements. Plus anyone dancing to ‘square rooms’ must definitely be possessed

N – Nemo has got to be the most common name for pet fish these days. Ever since that show came out I’ve come across 6 examples of people naming
their fish Nemo. I have to admit, I think of Nemo a lot too…..with a few of his friends on a sizzling hotplate with sweet and sour source and onions.

O – Oh-verdose. My housemate recently decided to attempt making a joke in reference to my last name and description of my corny sense of humour. I have to admit, I quite like that one.

P – Papa Don’t preach. Oh yeah, when Madonna says that to her father when she’s having a baby, he leaves her alone. The last time I said that to my dad when I had bad grades, I got grounded. Music videos are misleading.

Q – Question for the Miss Universe representative from Singapore - DID YOU REALLY THINK YOU COULD WIN?!!! Question for the judges of the pageant – ARE YOU BLIND??!!! HOW COULD YOU PASS OVER PUERTO RICO FOR AUSTRALIA??!!!

R – Ronald Regan passed away recently. Condolences to his family. Think they’re gonna issue a twenty dollar bill with his face. When I become president I’m gonna have my face on a note while I’m still alive and not wait till I’m dead…and while I’m at it, I’ll also see to those flying pigs.

S – “Stupid!” that’s what a bunch of angry models yelled at me when they said they ran out of nipple tape and I picked up a roll of scotch tape and asked “will this do?” how was I to know nipple tape was a special type.

T – Tuna cans all seem to have this whole ‘dolphin safe’ thing on the label. Yeah its all well and good for the dolphin. Anyone ever think about the Tuna?

U – Underwear fashion is so weird these days. Especially for chicks. Now all you read about are women’s ‘boy shorts’ and other guy-type designs for panties. I shudder at the thought of mens underwear headed in the direction of lacy, satin and floss-like.

V – Vanity seems to be such an easy excuse for women who constantly stare in the mirror to make sure they’re beautiful. Most of the time its not vanity…it’s imagination.

W – Westlife. Sheesh. They should create an Eastlife, Northlife and Southlife. Together they can form a compass and go SEARCH FOR SOME TALENT!

X – X doesn’t always mark the spot. Then again neither does G. So how are we men supposed to find it for you women?

Y – Y does the sun go on shining? Ancient musical flashbacks aaargh!

Z – “Zest – Tea”. How bout that? If I were to come up with a type of tea, that’s what I’d name it. Brilliant eh? It’s a name and description all at once. “Zest-Tea” – Zesty see? Cos it’s a Tea and its Zesty. Geddit? Geddit? <----strangely enough, my friend Ernie tells me this name was actually used by a tea company.

Alrighty then! That concludes todays edition of ...... (drumroll)
Tim's A-Z's !

Definately have to do something about that name.

On another note, people are bugging me to cut my hair. What?! What's wrong with the Farah Fawcett look?

 


Till next we blog, Tim Out

P.S Write comment lar. Must be encouraging to newbie blogger mah!

posted by Timmy Tim Tim @ 7:41 PM