Totally Tim Just Flogging His Blog
I apologize for the lack of entries as of late but my recent experience with balls has left both my arms in very sore condition. Usually it’s the opposite.When it comes to bowling, it’s always a case of either bruising the pins, or ego. Two nights ago, the pins won.
In a weak attempt to impress the chicks at the next lane, I did manage a strike and a couple of spares. Boy did I score….a couple of snickers and stifled laughter when I tripped over my feet and dropped the ball.
Nonetheless, it was a valiant attempt compared to one of my mates who struck out big time with one of the alley’s attendants.
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Dave: Do you have a pen and paper?
Attendant: Here you go.
Dave: Please please please! May I please have your phone number? I’m completely smitten by you.
Attendant: (In a calm cold voice) No. I have a boyfriend.
Dave: (mumble, mumble, mumble) please….(mumble, mumble)…anyway….(mumble, mumble)
Tim: (In brotherly consoling fashion) LOSER!!! HAHAHAHA
Dave: Ok Romeo. You think you can do better? When was the last time you scored?
Tim: (mumble, mumble, mumble)
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On another note. I’d like to take this opportunity to wish my friend and housemate Junie “Happy Birthday!”
The bowling trip was part of her birthday celebrations. So the way I look at it, she was responsible for my sore arms and lousy balls.
This picture was taken at the Dragon Boat Chinese Restaurant hours earlier where she treated us to a dim sum feast.
I’ve told Junie that I’m not taking anymore photos with her cos she makes me look fat next to her. So I decided to take a picture next to my buddy and her boyfriend Andrew, cos he as the opposite effect on me.
Unfortunately thanks to his short crop and facial hair, next to him, I look like (how did Junie put it? Oh yes I remember) a prepubescent teenage girl.
So while we’re on the topic of questionable gender appearances, Something About Miriam concluded a couple of days ago. If you don’t know what the shows about, it’s the one where a bunch of men fight over a girl who is actually hiding 2 eggrolls and a cucumber.
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Miriam: And the winner is TOM!
Tom: Yay! I’m so excited!
Miriam: Congratulations Tom. You get to spend an all expense paid vacation with me on a luxury yacht and a 10000 shopping spree.
Tom: Yay! I’m so excited!
Miriam: But before we go, I must tell you something. I’m not who you think I am. I have a Lap Cheong and 2 Har Gaos.
Tom: Yay! I love Chinese food.
Miriam: No you don’t understand. I have a Satay and 2 Ketupats.
Tom: Yay! I love Malay Food.
Miriam: No you still don’t understand. I have a Log cake and a pair of Cinnamon apples.
Tom: Is it Christmas already?
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Ok it didn’t happen quite like that. But I was trying to emphasize how stupid the English contestants in the show were.
Prior to the winner being picked, all the previous contestants made their return to witness Miriam revealing her secret.
Immediately after she told the winner she was a man, they all started hooting and hollering and poking fun and the winner. Sheesh! Some friends you are. As if the shock wasn’t enough. Yeah go ahead. Make him feel even worse. As much as I don’t condone the Tranny misleading them on the show, I will admit that she had a lot of guts to reveal to the world that she was in fact, missing a beaver. The person I feel the worse for is Tom. Not just because he had to find out the truth after thinking he had won the girl of his dreams. Not just because he had insensitive friends. But because at the end of the day….he was also STUPID. He rejected the prize. He still had the chance to go on the cruise with Miriam and have that $10000 shopping spree. No one’s asking you to fondle her fondue man! Just go on the trip and spend 10 grand! I mean…it is 2004. Can’t you handle hanging out with a Shemale? Then again, I wouldn’t be too pleased if I had spent the past month trying to outdo the competition by stealing kisses and copping a feel from another man.
At the end of the day, maybe the people we should feel sorry for are the network producers. I heard they got their asses sued off by the contestants. Serves them right.
Ok lets see what else I’ve done between now and the last time I filled out a blog entry. Oh yes. I tried cooking Foie Gras. Yes I did. Unfortunately, goose liver is hard to come by in Melbourne so I took my little shopping trolley to the market (What? Shopping trolleys are very manly ok!) and ordered half a kilo of duck liver. Yes that is a lot of liver. The next few hours can only be described as ….. disgusting. De-veining liver is not fun. Especially if you’ve never done it before. Still, seeing as I don’t have a couple of hundred dollars to spend in restaurants like I used to in Singapore, I have to try making the most of it here. Besides, at 4 dollars a kilo for duck liver, trust me, it will be a while before I get that craving for Foie Gras again.
The problem is, Foie Gras is actually a special kind of liver, taken from a goose or duck which has been stuffed with food so that it’s liver has become unnaturally enlarged. The stuff that I bought was just ordinary liver. But like I said, after eating half a kilo of liver, your tastes buds can’t tell the difference anymore and it’s your own liver you’re worrying about.
I remember vividly spending those days in Singapore looking for khaki to go for Sunday brunch with. Especially since some hotels offered not just a free flow of champagne, but Foie Gras too! We’d spend approximately 10 minutes feeling sorry for the birds who had to be force fed in order for us to indulge. The guilt lasted only till the plate arrived at the table. “After all, the bird already died. Shouldn’t let it have died in vain. Might as well eat it while its here.” Ah such logic. Same goes for Sharks Fin. Remember, if you decide against eating it, “Good”! Good for me and the rest of us Sharks fin eaters who now get more to eat hahahah!
Ok, I think I’ve over compensated for the lack of blog entries over the past couple of day. My brain is officially strained now from coming up with rubbish to type about.
2 sites for you to check out if you’re bored.
1) http://www.joeytomatoes.com/fordcat.htm FOR CAT LOVERS
2) www.angryalien.com FOR BUNNY LOVERS (The Exorcist like you’ve never seen it)
What has many sharp teeth, 1 ball and hates pins?
An Alleygator.
Hahahah! What? Didn’t that joke just Bowl you over? Ok ok, I shall Spare you from such lame jokes! Please don’t Strike me down!
Laterz!!!
Typically Tim – Totally Lame.
posted by Timmy Tim Tim @ 11:34 AM
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