Tragic,Ticklish and Totally Timothean!

Totally Tim - Typically Trash Talking: Da new Hung, Guns&Fk'nRoses and Imaginary Instruments

Move over William Hung! There’s a new chick in town and she’s one Bad Ass Mutha! I’m not kidding. She really is a Mother. In fact, judging by the photo, she could be a grandmother.
 

Actually, she could be William Hung’s mother. They have the same…erm…enthusiasm. Check out Wing! Visit her website and take a listen to some of her cover versions.
If “Dream Lover” doesn’t crack you up, I will personally make a doctors appointment for you tomorrow to surgically remove that stick from your butt.

You’ll be amazed at the fact that some of her albums have actually sold out. Be thrilled as she takes hits from artists like Mariah Carey and the Carpenters. She'll be taking those hits pretty hard on the head when they hear what she’s done to their songs.

http://www.wingmusic.co.nz/listen.html

Can’t take anymore! Need medication….. in the form of….
 

Ah! Much better. There’s nothing much better in life than yodeling at the top of your lungs through every song in your favorite Guns and Roses album. I hear they recently released a best of album. I don’t see the point. They already have a best of album. It’s called Appetite for Destruction (AFD). 95 percent of the songs on the new cd come from there anyway and if you don’t have AFD or the other albums with the other 5 percent, then you’re not a real fan and you don’t deserve to have a greatest hits album from the Gunners anyway! And while I’m on that point, GnRs is not MAT ROCK! (At least it ceased to be after yours truly became a fan). If you disagree then you are wrong and I am right. (Bleah!) And you deserve a slap from the Temperamental Timothean Titan… or a firm but civil reprimand if you are bigger than me. Man it fees awesome screaming lyrics and plucking away at the strings of my guitar. Which model you ask? The air model.

Before you diss my inability to play a real guitar (other than the opening chords of Extreme’s More Than Words <-- you too huh? Haha!), let me tell you some advantages of playing the highly underrated AIR GUITAR!

- You never chip a nail. (The ladies will appreciate this one)

- You never have to tune your guitar.

- You can lend it to anyone without worrying that they will snap your stings or mess up the pick ups.

- It’s cost efficient.

- It is any color and model you want it to be.

- You can have as many as you want without making your house look like Hard Rock Café.

- Your stupid neighbors will never complain about noise pollution and send Sergeant Muthu or Inspecter Beng Teck Sim to your house.

- Easy to take it anywhere and requires no paddles or amps.

- You can play any song and play it better than everyone else. (So what if they can’t hear it. Other people don’t matter! They are losers with no imagination.)

- You can smash it around after every performance without causing any property damage.

Speaking of which, YOU CAN ALSO……..

- Pretend to be a WWE wrestler and smash it over the heads of your enemies. (“Tim you are a lamer and you need to stop watching so much wrestling”)

So what are you waiting for? Forget music school! Forget Tablatures! Pick up the air guitar today! All you need is….

1) An active imagination.

2) A good excuse to give when people walk in on you while you’re in the middle of the Sweet Child of Mine solo. I usually blame it on a bad case of Constipation and Parkinson’s disease.

IMPORTANT: If you ever play Air Guitar to Westlife or Britney Spears songs or anything else like that…..Tim O will personally hunt you down like a dog and kill you until you are dead.

With the right amount of commitment, passion and persistence, one day you may be worthy of…… the ANNUAL WORLD AIR GUITAR CHAMPIONSHIPS!
 

From my active competition days.


This link will take you to a page with all the info about it. There’s even an entry form to download if you’re really interested.

http://www.omvf.net/2004/ilmakitara.php?PHPSESSID=6ecdd2aa9a015035d337816d445f2612

Alright folks. Time to go. As the great philosopher Socrates once said….”Good night”

I dare anyone to challenge the fact that he said that at least once. What? Ancient Greeks didn’t sleep?! Hah! I win.

~Totally Tim – Typically Triumphant

posted by Timmy Tim Tim @ 4:16 AM